


i wish i could remember

by IGetCaffieneWithdrawals



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: And I know we all know the horror story of writing a dream, At least for a little bit, Basically a self-insert, Gen, Guys I just started writing this, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It started out as a dream, Last night I wrote seven pages in 45 minutes, Multi Chapter, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Not a Love Story, POV First Person, Self-Insert, but i'm p good with grammar so..., but i've got a good feeling about this, i want preston to be her new big brother, not finished
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-06-06 12:07:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15194450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IGetCaffieneWithdrawals/pseuds/IGetCaffieneWithdrawals
Summary: I had heard Adam curse from outside. Then he grabbed me and we ran through the house. The street was filled with people, either standing there or running towards this gate on the hill. Adam pulled me toward the gate.“Adam, where are we going?”“Safety.”





	1. Prologue

When I woke up, I was cold. I didn’t know where I was. I needed to breathe, but I couldn’t figure out how. Then I heard voices. Outside of this pod thingy. ‘Cryogenic containment unit,’ my mind supplied.

 

“This is the one,” One of the voices, a woman, said, sounding faint and distant. I was reminded that I wasn’t really breathing.

 

“What about the other one?” This was a rough male voice, sounding much closer to me than the woman. I tried to open my eyes, but they were so heavy.

 

“No life signals on the read out,” said the woman. I sniggered in my mind, ‘Joke’s on you, hun.’

 

“All right, then open him up.” The male again.

 

‘Him? Who is him?’

 

I heard a kind of crisp opening sound, followed by what would have been a rush of cold air had I been standing outside.

 

“Ungh, where am I?” A new voice sounded. It was familiar somehow.

 

“Just relax, sir. We’ll get you out of here in no time at all.” The woman now.

 

“Where’s… Where’s my,” a harsh coughing fit, “my sister? Where is she?”

 

‘Sister…? Wait… Wait! That’s my brother!’ I tried to scream out for him, but nothing came from my mouth.

 

“We’ll let you know soon, but we need to get you out of here right now,” The woman.

 

‘Urgh, I wish I could see!’

 

“No! I need to make sure she’s all right!” I heard a heavy weight hit metal, resulting in a loud clang. Bless my poor brother’s heart, he was built like a brick.

 

“Sir! Please calm down or we’ll have to sedate you!”

 

I fought to open my eyes and finally got them open, only to see a sight I wish I could forget. My brother, Adam, was on the floor in front of my containment unit, reaching out for me. His skin was pale and sallow. His eyes had deep, dark bags underneath them. He looked horrible and I couldn’t imagine that I looked much better. But, god, the look on his face was terrifying. He looked desperate and hopeless at the same time. But then we made eye contact, and, for a second, it all seemed all right. Adam would tell them I was alive and we would be together again!

 

Then a needle plunged into his neck and he dropped like a rock. There was terror in both his eyes and mine as we simultaneously realized that I was not likely to get out of here, alive or dead. They carried him away and I smiled. At least he would get to live…

 


	2. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bro?"  
> "Yeah?"  
> "How long are we gonna be here?"  
> "I don't know. But it's gonna be okay. Don't worry."
> 
> Yeah, sure, don't worry. He had said that a lot that day.

The second time I woke up, an alarm was blaring and it wasn’t as cold. I heard a hissing sound and a rush of warm air hit me. I breathed in, almost choking at the temperature change. Scratch that, I most definitely was choking. I coughed hoarsely as I tried to drag in a proper breath. When I finally got it, I pulled my numb limbs up then promptly fell on the floor. My face hit the cool metal grating as my breath was forced out of me, bringing on another coughing fit. My eyelids didn’t feel heavy this time, so I opened them just in time to see the lights flicker on.

 

I was surrounded by metal walls colored a dirty, rusted white. Blinking slowly, I tried to sit up. ‘How did I get here?’ I thought solemnly. My memory was bad at best, but throw in at least a couple months of cryogenic freezing and I’m basically down for the count. God, this was terrifying.

 

I looked around again, trying to remember.

 

_ “Good morning, bro-bro. How’re you doing this fine morning?” _

_ “Heh, nice bedhead sis.” _

_ “Only the finest for you.” _

_ “Get breakfast, then get dressed. We’re going out today.” _

 

That’s right. It was such a nice day. I heard Adam talking to some salesman while I was doing my makeup. Strange, he usually didn’t waste his time on them.

 

_ “Where’re we going?” _

_ “To visit Mom and Dad and Anna, Amy, and Tim.” _

_ “Oh, let me go get some flowers from the garden then.” _

_ “I’m going to turn on the news for a second, then we’ll go.” _

 

I had heard Adam curse from outside. Then he grabbed me and we ran through the house. The street was filled with people, either standing there or running towards this gate on the hill. Adam pulled me toward the gate.

 

_ “Adam, where are we going?” _

_ “Safety.” _

_ “One male, adult. One female, adolescent. Go on through.” _

 

There was a salesman at that gate, trying to get through. I tried not to think about how many people were lined up at that gate.

 

_ “Bro… Where are we? What’s going on?” _

_ “Don’t worry, Katie. It’s gonna be okay.” _

 

I heard screaming in the distance. I turned around just in time to see a huge mushroom cloud billow up in the south. Oh. Oh god. Now I realized what I had seen. That was the start of the nuclear apocalypse.

 

_ “Katie! Get down!” _

 

He had pushed me to the ground right as the first gust of wind swept over us and knocked the people standing around us to the ground. It was hot and acrid. The ground had shaken and started going down. An elevator, I had realized.

 

I tried to remember what’d happened after that, but my mind just wasn’t working. I remember being put in the cryogenic freezer, though the vault workers had called sterilization. Speaking of vault workers…

 

_ “Where are we, Adam?” _

_ “A Vault. We’ll be safe here. Don’t worry.” _

 

They had given us these jumpsuits to wear. Man, did I look bad. Just looking down at myself, I knew this was not a flattering look. Like my brother, I was stocky and short. I didn’t exercise enough and thus, was rather chubby. Though, it looked like the cryogenic freeze had taken care of some of the flab.

 

I looked around, the Vault somehow clearer now. I blinked as green flashed across my vision. Looking back over at the thing that had flashed, I noticed that it had words.

 

_ "Okay, K, they're gonna put in these, like, perma-contacts. They have all sorts of cool features. I'll explain them all later, when we're safer." _

_ "Bro?" _

_ "Yeah?" _

_ "How long are we gonna be here?" _

_ "I don't know. But it's gonna be okay. Don't worry." _

 

Yeah, sure, don't worry. He had said that a lot that day.

 

I decided that I wasn't doing myself any favors just sitting there, so I got shakily to my feet. I saw the green text saying things like, "CHECK," or "ACTIVATE."

 

'This'll take some getting used to.' I thought.

 

I took my first step, then another, finally getting some feeling back in my cold limbs. Turning to my left, I saw a computer on the wall. It wasn't like mine at home. It was clunky and big, but I supposed it served the Vault's purposes. I scanned through the files, finding that every single cryogenic containment unit's occupant was dead, excluding me and my brother.

 

My... brother... Where was he? He wasn't in the pod across from me. But he was there when I first got in. Maybe he woke up before me and went to look for other survivors? No, he wouldn't leave me. That I know for fact. After our family died, Adam didn't like to let me out of his eyesight. It made for very awkward first dates.

 

So... Where was he? I knew I was missing something…

 

'Urgh! Curse my horrible memory!'

 

I decided to explore a bit more. Looking back the way I  came, I noticed a little green square on the big door and a green bar at the bottom of my vision. The square was on the bar and there was a number on top of it. Walking towards the door made the number get smaller. Neat.

 

Walking through the facility made me wonder how long I'd been out.I glanced at a window and blanched. Was... Was that a giant... cockroach? 'EEEEEW! God, I'm probably gonna have to punch one.'

 

I open the next door and lo and behold, there is another giant cockroach. My eyes land fully on it and the green text tells me that this is a "RADROACH." Which probably means to me is that this thing will me radiation poisoning.

 

"SHIT!" I yell as the thing freaking charges me. I flail about wildly as the mutated insect flies around me. Managing to get a lucky punch, the radroach falls to the ground with a sickening crunch-squish sound. Blech.

 

I look at the insect and the green text says "RADROACH MEAT." Assuming that meant I could loot the dang thing, I said, out loud, "Oh, heck, no." At the corner of my vision, there is what looks like a health bar. I assumed it was my own. There was a little bit of red on it that was steadily going up the longer I stood next to the radroach. Guess I was right about the radiation.

 

I make my way through a few more hallways, eventually finding another computer. I skim through the files on this one too. I had had my suspicions about the Cryo but the words on the screen just confirmed them. I read the security logs too, and, honestly same.

 

I make my way through to this room that has electricity arcing through it. 'Oh boy.'

 

Edging around the coils, I see a figure laying on the ground. Walking closer, I notice that it is a skeleton.

 

I laughed somewhat hysterically.

 

"Okay, bro. You got me good! You can stop pranking me now!"

 

A cold silence met my words.

 

"Oh, god."

 

This was absolutely terrifying.

 

I pressed on, fighting a few more radroaches before I finally got the the Overseer's Office. My gaze went immediately to the gun on the desk. The green text told me it was a ten millimeter. A pistol, okay, I was good with these.

 

"Oh, thank god Adam taught me how to shoot," I muttered, feeling the heft of the gun in my hands.

 

I put my eyes on the box of ammo next to it, confirming that, yes, those are ten millimeter slugs. 

 

My gaze next goes to three stimpacks on the table. The needles give me a sudden flash back....

 

“ADAM!”

 

‘Oh, god. Oh god oh god oh GOD! He was taken! I gotta go find him!’

 

I looked at the computer sitting on the desk. Remembering something about an Overseer Escape Tunnel on the security logs, I quickly clicked on the option to open the tunnel. I grabbed the stimpacks and quickly checked the rest of the room. I found another box of ammo and some more medical items before I went out the door and through another tunnel.

 

I would say I couldn’t wait to be outside again, but I didn’t know what the outside was like anymore. How many years had passed? What had happened? Was it even safe to go outside anymore? Well… Those people who took Adam came from outside, so it couldn’t be that horrible.

 

Opening another door, I spotted a radroach and hefted my pistol up to shoot it. Bullseye! It went down with a wet crunch-squish, I was so caught up in my apparent victory that I didn’t even notice the other radroach charging me.

 

“Son of a biscuit!” I shouted as I wasted three bullets on the thing. I needed to not do that. Something told me that ammo was a hot commodity in this brave new world.

 

Walking over to the control panel, I noticed a skeleton on the ground. Oh, man. Did this very obviously dead person have a Pip-Boy? 

 

‘Oh, gosh. He’s dead… He don’t need it.’ 

 

I rather guiltily picked the thing up and put it on. It was waaaay clunkier and heavier than they advertised it to be. It was gonna be a huge help though. I had a feeling about it. I yelped as I felt a needle stick into my wrist. ‘Guess this is why it’s for military use only,’ I thought.

 

I shivered as I thought of my brother. It hurt to even think his name right now.

 

“Okay,” I said, picking up my old habit of talking to myself, “let’s get out of here.”

 

I plugged my Pip-Boy into the control panel and started the opening sequence. I swore I could hear epic music and the gate started to open. I stepped out and onto the elevator. I looked up, squinting against the already too bright light.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_ “C’mon, Katie, it’s such a beautiful day…” _

 


	3. Out

When my eyes finally cleared, I looked out over our neighborhood. The trees were dead and the houses looked like they were barely standing. I figured I’d head down and see if there were any people there. If there were, hopefully they were friendly.

 

I make my way to the gate. I looked at all the skeletons. Oh, man. This was horrifying. I saw the green text flash as I looked at a plant. “SILT BEANS,” it told me. Okay, I could handle looting a plant. I grabbed all the beans my hands could hold before I realized that I didn’t have anywhere to put them. Shrugging, I quickly dug some holes and put them inside. I could come back for them later and if I didn’t, then they would grow more bushes. Sweet.

I picked my way down the path towards my house. Once I got closer, the green text lit up, telling me I’d discovered “SANCTUARY.” Great. I’d discovered my own neighborhood.

 

“SNAP!” I shouted as I lost my footing on the loose dirt. I slid down the rest of the way on my butt.

 

“Well,” I said, looking up at the hill, “whatever works.”

 

I distantly heard someone humming and ran towards the sound. As I broke free of the brambles, my eyes lit upon something shiny. Sighing, I realized that the humming I had heard was being made by the shiny thing. Our next-door neighbors had gotten a robot about two weeks before the disaster ( as I had decided to call it for the time being ) to help with their new baby, Shawn.

 

‘His name is Codsworth, isn’t it?’ I asked myself. I decided to text out my theory.

 

“Codsworth!” I yelled, cutting his humming off.

 

“Ah, Ms. Katie, I believe,” He said in his tinny, robot voice.

 

“Hey, how’ve you been?” I asked as I struggled to catch my breath. I usually loved my ability to small talk. Though, after living like a yankee for a few months, I could tell that my ability to pry even the smallest secrets out of someone with a well-placed “Bless your heart,” was wasted.

 

“Absolutely, wonderful, Miss. Though I don’t suppose you’ve seen Sir and Mum around, have you?” Codsworth asked, somehow managing to look like he was twiddling his thumbs. He didn’t even have thumbs for goodness’ sake!

 

I shivered, remembering our neighbors frozen in those pods, ice covering their bodies like a bad case of freezer burn on beef. I had to think about how I was going to broach this topic to Codsworth. People said that robots didn’t have feeling. I prefered to disagree. Especially after how long I’d obviously been gone. I knew that foliage and stuff didn’t just grow back after a blast with nuclear radiation. I’d probably been gone for more years than I cared to think about. And in that time, Codsworth had more than likely developed a personality.

 

“Codsworth, they’re… They’re gone. Shawn too. The vault people, they froze us, everyone who went in, cryogenically. Almost no one survived, pardoning my brother and I.” I felt like I was about to cry. This felt so wrong.

 

“Cryo… But Sir and Mum and young Shawn… Oh, I suspected this! I knew that after two hundred years it was too much to hope for!” Codsworth cried out. If he could cry tears, I thought he would be at that moment. Then it hit me.

 

Two… Two hundred years‽ That could NOT be possible. The plants and the skeletons flashed through my mind.

 

“Codsworth,” I said, breaking him out of his hysteria, “did I hear you correctly? You said, ‘Two hundred years,’?”

 

“A bit over two hundred and ten, miss.” He corrected.

 

I felt tears well up in my eyes as my face rapidly lost all color. Two hundred years plus ten would make the current year about 2287. Geezums…

 

‘What about Adam?’ I thought as tears started to roll down my cheeks. ‘Is he even still alive?’

 

“..iss. Miss, are you all right?”

 

‘Codsworth! He’ll probably know!’ I thought excitedly.

 

“Where is your brother? Usually he’s less than a stone throw’s distance away from you.”

 

My heart sank. If he was asking me where my brother was then that meant he couldn’t possibly know where my bro was.

 

“Someone took him. I’ve no clue where they took him, only that they did. Do you know where I could start looking?” I asked, feeling my knees quiver.

 

Codsworth let out what could be a sigh, were he human.

 

“Well, miss, I would start looking in Concord. Do you remember how to get there? I know that you have memory problems,” Codsworth supplied.

 

“I just go to the Red Rocket gas station and continue down the road, right?” I asked.

 

“Of course, miss. Though, do you need anyone to come with you? Now that I know that Sir, Mum, and young Shawn aren’t going to come back, there is really nothing to keep me here, and I know that you are rarely left alone…” He trailed off, sounding uncertain.

 

I thought about it. I knew that Adam was usually with me before the disaster and that having nobody with me would only accentuate and exacerbate the open and freely bleeding wound of him being gone. I would be left alone with my thoughts, and that did not sound good to me.

 

“Of course you can come along, Codsworth. Lord knows I could use the company,” I told him.

 

“Oh, that’s simply splendid, young miss.”

 

“Codsworth, you realize that I’m two hundred and twenty-five years old now, right? I’m not exactly young anymore,” I said.

 

“Chronologically only, miss. Mentally, you are still very much fifteen years old.”

 

“Gee, thanks, Codsworth,” I sarcastically told him, “Now, I need to find a bag of some sort to carry things I’ll need. And, I am absolutely starving.”

 

“Well, miss, there are a multitude of houses all around us, and though most of them have been picked clean by scavengers, you might still be able to find something,” He motioned to the houses around us.

 

I hummed, “You’re right, Cods. Though, what do you mean by scavengers? Are there other people out here?”

 

“Oh, yes, miss. I’ve tried going to Concord myself, but they weren’t the most friendly of people.”

 

“How many years ago was that?” I asked him, starting to walk towards the first house.

 

“At least forty, miss. They shot at me a few times. Got a couple of dings to the old chronometer,” Codsworth shuffled through the house, overturned chairs and cabinets making it harder than necessary to traverse the old home.

 

“Chronometer? So it’s a little over or under two hundred and ten years?” I asked him, rifling through a pile of garbage and old clothes.

 

Thinking of my own clothes, I realized how hard it’d be to find stuff that’d fit me. I had always been stocky. My brother, stocky in a different way, was built like a brick, all square and angular. I had an hourglass figure. And while it was a common shape in the south, it was less than so in the north. It made it difficult to find clothes. I usually just ordered everything online. Obviously, doing so was rather impossible in this new day and age. Maybe I could just find armor to fit over the vault suit.

 

“Yes, miss, that is correct. Aha!” Codsworth exclaimed, holding up a black messenger bag.

 

“Will this do?” He asked.

 

“Codsworth, that’s perfect!”

 

I accepted the proffered bag, putting it across my body.

 

“Now! Where do s’pose I’d find something to eat?” I asked Codsworth.

 

“Well, I know that there is an old cooking station a little ways down the road. And just past that is the Red Rocket gas station. There may be something there or along the way,” Codsworth told me.

 

“Awesome, let’s go,” I gestured for him to follow.

 

He followed and we made our way to the road with a quick stop into some of the houses to kill... "BLOATFLIES?" That's what the green text called them. I sucked it up and peeled some meat away from its corpse, gagging the entire time. I cooked the fly's flesh at the cooking station and wolfed it down, trying desperately not to taste it or think about where it came from. At least it stopped the gnawing hunger in my stomach.

 

At the road, Codsworth and I came across a body. The stench was horrific. I nudged Codsworth past the body and towards the gas station. I stopped as I heard a bark and turned just in time to be bowled over by what looked like a German Sheppard. 

 

"Whoa!" I shouted, feeling a tongue swipe across my face. I laughed despite myself. 

 

"Down, down!" I commanded while giggling, "Codsworth, help!"

 

The robot in question appeared to be laughing of all things.

 

"Oh, my! What a sight the two of you are!" He laughed in his strange, robot way.

 

I finally pulled myself up and grabbed the dog by the scruff. Struggling to catch my breath while wiping dog slobber away with one hand, I looked at the dog. I had been right in assuming it was a German Sheppard. Adam'd had one of them in his unit. 

 

...

 

Adam...

 

_"Do you have to go away, bro?"_

_"Katie... It's my job and my duty, you know that."_

_"Yeah... I just hate it when you leave."_

_"C'mon, you know I'll be fine. I have Anna and Dogmeat to look out for me."_

_"Why on earth the woman named her dog that, I will never understand."_

 

He'd been right though. Anna and Dogmeat had protected him.

 

"You wanna stick with us? Huh, boy?"

 

The dog snuffed and whined. I released his scruff so that he could bump and lick my hands.

 

"Alright then. Well, if you're gonna come with us, you're gonna need a name."

 

The dog gave a happy bark as he sat in front of me.

 

"I think I'll call you Dogmeat."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on my tumblr @igetcaffeinewithdrawals


End file.
